It was late and I’d just mucked an $800 full house. I’ll save that story for another time.

I cashed out my now narrow profit and took the escalator downstairs to play the -EV games I love. Otis and Luckbox were playing Pragmatic Play .

Here’s what happened….

I bought in for $300 I think. It’s hard to remember because I was also ordering two drinks, a shot and a beer, at a time. Actually, a lot of that night is hard to remember. I do know Otis and I were following the time honored tradition of betting $75-$100 per Pai Gow hand and getting blasted all the while.

For many of the hands we’d put a good $5 chip out for the dealer, “Michael”, to win. Each Pai Gow he dealt himself was worth a good $30 for him.

Meanwhile, at the next table, (I remember it as a blackjack table and Otis says it was 3 card poker) there was a woman with her back to us who’d scream with every good hand. It was a wall rattling shriek. Truly impressive.

We decided that the next time Micheal threw himself a Pai Gow, we’d ask her to shreik for us.

Sure enough, the Pai Gow came.

I tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me. We were admiring your shreik and our talbe just won too. Could you give us a shriek?”

She shreiked.


Later, while I wasn’t watching, this woman cashed out and another woman sat down.

Again our table won on a Michael Pai Gow.

I turned to the new woman and tapped her on the back.

“Pardon me,” I said, “the woman who was here before had a truly great shreik. I was wondering…could you shreik for us too?”

Then the unexpected…

The woman rose from her seat and crowded my shoulder.

“I’ll do you one better,” she stammered, “I’ll show you my tits!”

Sure enough…

She did.

The woman had her shirt and bra completely over her head exposing some of the longest, deepest and darkest stretch marks in recorded history to our stunned table…and at least 500 cameras.

Then she started molesting me.

Soon her slightly less drunk friend appeared and whisked her to her room.

I bet $200 on the next Pai Gow hand.