It’s been a very long six days. I may elaborate at a later date, but for now suffice it to say, I’ve been on non-poker tilt for the better part of the last week. Last night around 8:30, my wife told me to shut off my computer. She didn’t care what I did with my time, as long as I wasn’t staring at a computer screen.

Half an hour later, I was in my car, drinking an energy drink, and calling situs online to see if he wanted to meet G-Rob at the Spring Hotel. Blood was otherwise busy and declined.

This morning, Blood sent an e-mail that led me to believe he was jonesing for a game last night and wanted a detailed recounting of last night’s events.

All in all, it was a typical night. I walked away with no real stories. Still, I did my best to give Blood a vicarious romp through last night’s session. What you’ll find below the cut is not good writing, a good story, or even all that interesting. However, it is poker. So, I offer it in the spirit of letting everyone know I’m still alive, still on life-tilt, and sorry I’m not writing anything worth reading.

That is, I’m still playing, just not living a particularly interesting life right now.

Badblood wrote:Spare no details

(names changed to protect…well…me)

Alright then…

I got there late. Made a late decision to go and then got caught in I-765 traffic. Construction had closed down every southbound lane. It ended up taking me an hour to get there. When I walked in, the game was full (with Tallahassee sitting and Dominoes in line ahead of me). Tallahassee gave Dominoes his seat. I was already on tilt from the traffic and a bunch of other stupid shit. I didn’t want to wait, but stood patiently while Tallahassee and A-Rod made the decision to make the game 11-handed and let me sit.

The line-up:

Seat 1: Tom-Tom (now sporting a full beard)

Seat 2: Unknown (missing one tooth, likely late 40s, dark hair, sorta fat, with a piece of gold bling around his neck)

Seat 3: Unknown (talkative guy, likely 50 with white hair and a weight problem)

Seat 4: Christy Snow (pretty MILF)

Seat 5: Dominoes The Pizza Guy

Seat 6: Twirly the Cable Guy (not sure if he is really a cable guy, but I get the impression he is. Thought I saw a cable work shirt on the back of his chair. Brown visor, cheap sunglasses)

Seat 7: Otis

Seat 8: Snow’s husband

Seat 9: For the life of me, I can’t remember

Seat 10: T (aka Leaf Guard)

Seat 11: G-Rob

G-Rob was wearing his i-Pod when I walked in, which usually indicates to me that he is on tilt. As he was sitting next to the world’s most talkative dealer, I figured G-Rob was either stuck or the dealer was talking again about his lack of a belief in mystical powers. The dealer was wearing a shirt that said Hustler on it.

I squeeze into my seat and grabbed a beer from the fridge. This was an odd moment, because I usually sit down at the same time as G-Rob, or you, or somebody else I know in the game. We learn the dynamics together. This time, though, Rob was already two hours into the game. I caught a look in his eye. It’s become very familiar. I was wrong. G-Rob wasn’t on tilt. He was excited.

I stole a look at his stack. I don’t know how much he was into the game for, but he had at least three buy-ins front of him. Again, it all felt very odd. It appeared that Rob had been running over the table. I learned (much later, and after Rob had left) that Rob had stacked one of the older guys after flopping a set of deuces and turning a full house. However, at the time, I had no idea what kind of game Rob was playing. One thing was clear, though. It was power poker. At one point, Dominoes bet into him on a three-heart board and Rob pushed every one of his chips in the middle. Dominoes eventually folded and Rob sighed in relief. “Did you have the flush?” Dominoes asked.

“I just wanted you to fold,” Rob said, stacking chips.

Bullshit, I say.

I made a quick decision to not mix it up with anybody for a while. I was still on traffic tilt and Rob seemed to be running the game himself. His eyes seem to be imploring me to get into the action, at one point even saying out loud, “Otis!” when I folded my button to five limpers.

To be fair, I’d been getting dealt trash for the first hour and the table was proving it couldn’t be bluffed. I didn’t see any reason to further tilt myself by stacking off and re-buying so early.

I was paying less attention than I should. My entire point of going in the first place was to take my mind off other shit and just dissolve into a game. For the first hour, I wasn’t having much success. G-Rob had control of the table and the last thing I wanted to was to fund his Vegas lost summer (any more than I do on any normal night).

My lack of attention caused me to miss most of the action on the hand that finally woke me up. The board read J96K. The king had just fallen on the turn and Leaf Guard had just check-raised Rob. Rob called and the pot was huge (maybe 2.5 buyins).

When another king came on the river, Leaf Guard made the worst mistake of the night. It’s the worst mistake anyone can make against G-Rob. Leaf Guard checked the J96KK board. With maybe only the slightest moment hesistation, Rob dropped about the amount of a full buy-in in the pot.

I almost felt bad for Leaf Guard. He was going to have to call off almost his entire stack to see Rob’s hand. Guard’s mistake wasn’t the check-raise on the turn. It was the check on the river. It screamed “I don’t have the king.” Rob could have rags and win the pot now.

Guard thought for a long time. Too long, I discovered. Somewhere in the tank, Guard found a way to convince himself that Rob had sixes full of kings. He said it out loud as he mucked.

I almost stood up and made the following offer: If G-Rob has two sixes in his hand, I will tattoo his name on my penis.